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Pleasure or Peril? The Hidden Dangers of Choking in the Bedroom—and How to Stay Safer

Recently, after several conversations with newly single friends, a troubling theme emerged.

Choking—without warning or prior consent—has quietly, dangerously crept into the sexual repertoire of many men.

In these cases, there was no discussion, no check-in, no agreement. Just a sudden, tight grip around the throat during intimacy. My friends' internal monologues said it all:

Is this a kink? Or am I about to go home in a body bag tonight?
This visceral fear—the confusion between play and life-threatening danger—should never be part of anyone’s sexual experience. It’s a loud siren that something has gone wrong in how we talk (or fail to talk) about intimacy, pleasure, and consent.

And frankly, I see this as one of the many poisonous side effects of porn culture: a culture where dominance is misrepresented, and complex, often risky acts like choking are normalized without any emphasis on education, consent, or safety.

Choking Isn’t Just “Rough Play”—It’s Medical Risk


According to research in the Journal of Forensic Nursing (Porta, 2025), strangulation (choking) is a form of airway restriction that can cause serious, often invisible injury even when it appears harmless in the moment. Even brief compression of the carotid arteries (which supply blood to the brain) can lead to:

  • Stroke or blood clots
  • Unconsciousness in less than 10 seconds
  • Brain damage from oxygen deprivation
  • Internal injuries to the throat, trachea, and larynx
  • Death—accidental or otherwise


Worse still, symptoms may not be immediately obvious. Someone could walk away from a choking experience, seemingly fine, only to collapse hours later from a blood clot or brain injury.

This isn’t sexy. This isn’t dominance. This is a medical emergency waiting to happen if not handled with extreme care, consent, and education.

Consent: Before, During, Always


There is zero excuse for introducing choking without explicit, enthusiastic consent—especially the first time you are intimate with someone. None.

You do not lay a hand on someone’s neck unless they have explicitly invited you to.
Not “they didn’t say no.”
Not “they seemed into it.”
Not “I saw it in a video and they liked it there.”

Explicit.
Enthusiastic.
Informed.
Ongoing.
Consent.

Anything less is assault, plain and simple.

How to Practice Safer, Consensual Choking—If and Only If Both Parties Consent


If this is a shared kink that both partners wish to explore, it must be approached with serious care and full education. Here's a basic outline of safer practice:

✅ Beforehand


Negotiate everything in advance: What is okay? What is not?Establish a safe signal or tap-out gesture—because choking can inhibit speech.
Agree that either party can stop immediately without question or guilt.


✅ Technique (Important)
NEVER press on the front of the throat (windpipe).
NEVER fully close the airway.


Focus only on gentle side compression (carotid arteries) if at all—using the soft pads of the fingers, not squeezing the larynx.
Use very light, gradual pressure.
Check in constantly with your partner's body language, breathing, and color.


✅ If there is any confusion, hesitancy, or lack of full understanding—do not proceed. (And yes, there are workshops, books, and kink-positive educators who can teach these techniques safely.)

Signs Something Is Wrong Immediately:

  • Gurgling or gasping
  • Unconsciousness
  • Blotchy skin or redness
  • Eyes rolling back
  • Sudden collapse after the activity


If anything like this happens—stop immediately, call for medical help, and disclose what occurred. Minutes matter.

A Bigger Cultural Conversation


We urgently need to shift how intimacy is portrayed and discussed—away from performative, non-consensual "dominance" and toward mutual exploration, trust, and transparent communication.

The truth is: choking is not beginner's play.


It’s not something you casually “add” to your bedroom skills because you think it looks cool.
It is dangerous, and without consent and knowledge, it is deeply unethical.

If you truly care about your partner, then you care about their safety—not just your performance.

Be Better, Be Safer


Consent isn't just sexy—it’s survival. Communication isn't awkward—it’s necessary.

And education isn’t optional—it’s mandatory when it comes to something as serious as choking.

If you want to explore edge play like choking with a partner, start with:

  • Honest conversations
  • Safer technique workshops
  • Reading kink safety literature
  • Committing to ongoing consent at every stag

Because nothing says intimacy like making sure you both walk away safe, empowered, and wanting more.

Want More information: Download my Free PDF on safer breathplay. 

📚 References:
Porta, C. M. (2025). Defining Our Forensic Nursing Destiny Together. Journal of Forensic Nursing. Full article
Resources on Kink and BDSM Safety: The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) - https://ncsfreedom.org/